Spitz: Booze brings out the liar in all of us
By Julia Spitz
Columnists (Sunday, January 8, 2006)

It doesn’t matter if it happens in Northborough or Framingham or Bellingham. I’m to blame. You may be, too.
We aren’t the ones who bought the vodka. We aren’t the ones who hosted the party. We’re just bystanders who pretended we didn’t see. It’s easier that way. "If you publicly acknowledge drinking is going on, that can come across as condoning (drinking)," said Lincoln-Sudbury Regional School Superintendent John Ritchie.
So we keep quiet. Like most parents, I didn’t let my kids drink at home when they were teenagers. I didn’t let their friends drink at my house, either.

At graduation time, I was vigilant. I hosted alcohol-free brunches before the ceremonies. Less chance any guest would bring a six-pack, I reasoned. Then I let my 17-year-old and 16-year-old head out to parties I didn’t ask many questions about because I didn’t want to know the answers. We got lucky. They came back alive. Every year someone doesn’t. We wring our hands and wonder why. "I don’t know why we as adults are so shocked," said Ritchie. "This is a society that worships and celebrates alcohol."  OK, so Super Bowl beer ads are as talked about as the plays on the field, and "Cheers" made us feel warm and fuzzy about barflies for 11 years.

But I’m a suburban mom. I’m not out pub-crawling. I’m not sending any messages about alcohol to my middle-schooler. I’m just the one nursing a nice glass of white wine or two before dinner. I’m just the one who feels compelled to buy liquor for a family Christmas get-together because no festive gathering is complete without a well-stocked bar. "I think we all get caught up in a massive amount of denial and avoidance," said Ritchie.

Hmmm. I’m sure he doesn’t mean me. After all, I totally support putting a mangled car on the front lawn of the high school the day before the prom. I just don’t understand why it doesn’t have much effect.

Oh, kids cry their way through the "mock crash" when they see classmates pretending to be dead. They pay attention when a guest speaker details the last minutes of life for Scott Kruger, the MIT student killed by alcohol poisoning.

Then, a few days later, police bust 40 kids for drinking in the woods. At least they weren’t doing drugs.

That was the prevailing attitude when my buddies and I were knocking back brewskies. That’s what the bubble over my head said when my older kids were under 21.  Not much has changed, no matter how many times we hear the mantra alcohol is a drug, and I’d be the first to admit I’d be far less distressed to find a beer can in my child’s hand than a needle in his arm.

And as long as it’s kids from a neighboring town being carted off on stretchers from a high school dance, it’s not my problem. It’s not happening here.  As for facts and figures trotted out by Students Against Destructive Decisions, they can’t really mean our kids. Not the "drinking increases significantly between the sixth and seventh grades." Not "the average age for teens to start drinking is 13."

"We’re all awkward and unsure how to confront the situation," said Ritchie.  That hasn’t changed much in the 25 or so years he’s been an educator, but he has seen one positive trend.  "I think kids are much more serious about the designated driver thing," Ritchie said.

But clearly there are too many times the designated driver thing doesn’t work at all.  There are no easy answers, only hard ones.  "Kids want straight talk. Kids want honesty," said Ritchie.  That means we have to be painfully honest with ourselves.  Ashland’s school board last month agreed to allow beer and wine at an upcoming PTO-sponsored dinner dance for parents. That’ll bring in more money for student enrichment programs than soda sales would, the same way it does in other communities. 

Unless we parents are willing to pay $10 a pop for a Pepsi and open our checkbooks as liberally as we would after a few glasses of wine, the school committee doesn’t have much of a choice. Not if it means our kids won’t get the education they deserve. And who could argue with helping the kids?

No, the answers aren’t easy, but "you can’t just give up," said Ritchie. And we can’t pretend there’s absolutely nothing more we can do.

(Julia Spitz can be reached at 508-626-3968 or jspitz@cnc.com. )
 

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