Brother Bill:
Bill grew up angry as I explain in my poem Wisdom to Change. My brother on the outside is brash, bold, dominant, and you either like him or you don’t, there is no middle and that’s not a bad thing, Bill is a no nonsense person. Bill and I grew up hard and by that I mean we were dirt poor. To me life was a playground to Bill it was serious. Bill may not like this but all his inner strife and tension was the result of my father, and I’m not downing my Dad I loved my Dad. Bills insides were a carbon copy of my dads’ insides as he grew up but much more complex because he got to see my dads’ actions first hand. Deep inside there was another Bill, a compassionate Bill, a loving Bill, which came from my mom. So if you mix those two together you become torn and when you become torn you can’t lead a normal life and something has to give. God blessed my brother with natural talent, unlike me he loved to learn, he was a tremendous athlete, he had a body chiseled out of iron and stone, and could have been on the cover of GQ. Sports were my brother’s way of venting. I mean he was gifted, he was a star football player, he could throw a football seventy yards on a dime as a sophomore, he was a five tool baseball player, and the toughest hockey goalie I’ve ever seen. He could never accept all the accolades towards him because of his talents always wanting to share his accomplishments with his team. Sports gave him a name brought him glory and fame but he could never accept it, it made him more angry and more confused. My brother would fight anyone anywhere anytime, not because he was tough as nails. It was because it released his anger. Each punch he threw released an inside pain that was beating him slowly to death. Now add that inside pain to a new joy he found called alcohol and we’re talking a walking time bomb. Now this had an effect on me because it seemed every time he’d punch someone out I run into them the next week and guess what, they would kick the snot out of me and it got old. So now we mix booze and a few drugs with anger and we’ve got problems. Alcohol and drugs and that inside anger beat my brother, they took away all his talent, and ruined his shot at becoming a pro ball player.

Bill married a real nice girl. I remember the wedding as it was today. I was in the Army stationed at Fort Dix, New Jersey. I got a week-end pass to attend as an usher. The wedding was on a Sunday and I had to be back at the barracks before muster Monday morning. I was a zombie but I made it back. The only sober person at that wedding was my mom. Bill was now working construction and leading the married life. Bill and the wife now had three kids, Bill the 3rd, Robert Carl, and Traci. As time passed the drink was ruling his life and as many before and after him it caused problems in the marriage, and like so many he ended up divorced. For about three or four years after the divorce he hit the skids and I added insult to injury by buying a barroom and making him my manager. At that time in my life I needed to own a bar as much as Custer needed to see another Indian. I’m a full fledged alcoholic and addict and my brother was an inch behind me. In between all this stuff Bill attended West Virginia State College.
Well I’m sure you know the ending to this story if not I’ll tell you. You can’t run a good business, any business being a drunk. Bill and I started to become enemies we actually hated each other. It wasn’t us. It was the lifestyle of booze and drugs that tore us apart. Bill finally quit working the bar and we had some harsh parting words to say to each other, words that should have never been said, but that’s booze; it’ll make you an instant asshole, and make you proud of being one. We didn’t talk to each other for a long time. I continued on with my out of control life, lost my wife, house, and bar. One day I had it all then one morning I woke up and I didn’t even have the money to buy a fifty-cent newspaper, proof it was all gone but I was far from done with my destructive life.

My brother’s life was at an end he had a gun in his mouth ready to pull the trigger and then he noticed the picture of his kids on the table next to his bed. God stepped in, putting death on hold, allowing him to regroup and think. He remembered a friend; called the Sandman. The sandman went through much of the same as my brother with the exception of divorce. Bill called him and without hesitation the Sandman offered help. The Sandman brought my brother to an A.A. meeting and introduced him to a world of positive people. Bill went though his trials and errors with denial, learning how powerful it is, but he kicked it to the curb, and became a grateful recovering alcoholic. He did all this because he knew he was worth more in life than alcohol and drugs. He knew he was worth more in life than the great athlete people remembered him to be. He knew inside he was a kind generous person willing to help others as the Sandman helped him.
I heard though the grapevine that Bill was doing fine he quit drinking and drugging, why quit drinking and drugging, gawd his life must suck I thought. I was mystified how one could be content without being high. I thought all the booze and drugs had turned him into a Moonie and I would see him on the corner selling flowers, now that’s a scary visual. But he wasn’t a Moonie he was finally getting comfortable in life learning how to live the sober life leaving the past but never forgetting it. You can’t forget the past. The past keeps you sober.

My life was going nowhere I mean nowhere. After my dream of horror that scared the living bleep out of me I needed help. I called my brother and asked him to help me. It was hard because of all the crap we put each other through all because of drugs and booze. Bill did the same thing for me that the Sandman did for him. He told me to be ready about 7:20pm he’d be there to take me to an eight o’clock meeting. I said woe, tonight? I can’t go tonight I’m tired I want to sleep. Bill said do you want help or not, “tired my ass you used stay up for three days at a time”. I’ve never heard of anyone dying from a lack of sleep. I’ll be there at 7:20 be ready bye. I was ready I went and actually enjoyed it. I saw a lot of my old buddies and they looked good, they were happy, they told me come with us enjoy the ride it’s a good one and a great life if you want it. Well that was twenty years ago and as I said after two futile years of cosmetic sobriety 18yrs of sobriety is knocking on my door in April if I keep doing what I’ve been doing.

Today Bill is doing great he has twenty years of sobriety he married a great gal who has I believe 18yrs herself. They have a beautiful daughter Kayla who is a sweetheart. Bill started a recovery business New Beginnings and it is probably the best in New England, not because he’s my brother, but because he is very good at what he does, and that is help people who need help in their life because of poor choices involving alcohol and drug abuse. If this book ever makes it out in the world of book land contact brother Bill, and invite him to your school and see the power he has, the dedication when he delivers his message to the young, who by the way are our future. Bill has been all over the country speaking the evils of alcohol and drug abuse. A small warning he is not vanilla when he sends out his message. It’s not a fouled mouth message it’s a hard hitting message that needs to be heard. The world of abusive behavior is not a pretty world, it’s a harsh world and it should be presented as such, there is no room for the vanilla speakers in the abuse world. Kids are losing parents who die needlessly from this crap. Parents are losing sons and daughters everyday to the Wally World mentality. The government keeps cutting funds for recovery programs when 75% of the people incarcerated in this country are incarcerated on alcohol and drug related charges. In closing this story of my brother all I can say is I love him, yes he’s my brother but he’s also my best friend. He bailed me out when I needed it the most like he does with all who know him. If and when you get to know him you can’t help but like him. Today his smile is real and it gets bigger and better when you get to know the real Bill. Check him out at “nbprograms.com.”


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